Tag Archive | confession

Journaling through the Bible Chronologically in 2025, Day 268

Day 268 – Reading – Ezra 7 – 10

We are picking up the book of Ezra after studying the book of Esther in the Bible’s chronological order.  Now, in Ezra 7, it is about 60 years later than Ezra 6.  The current Persian king is Artaxerxes, who is Ahasuerus’s son and Esther’s stepson. (Perhaps the x-queen Vashti was his mother.)

The Temple of God has been finished under Zerubbabel’s leadership, and a second wave of exiles is about to return under the leadership of a 22-year-old Torah scholar (scribe), Ezra.  This young man traces his line back through a group of notable priests, including Zadok (in David’s time), Phinehas, Eleazar, and Aaron.  But Ezra is not a priest (at least not yet, not yet 30).

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Ezra 7.

Ezra had “set his heart to study the Law of the Lord, and to do it, and to teach His statutes and rules in Israel.”  King Artaxerxes had given him all he asked for, for the task (people and any funds or supplies he needed), “for the hand of the LORD his God was upon Ezra.”

This great crowd of Israelites, with some priests, Levites, singers, gatekeepers, and temple servants, departed from Babylon with literally tons of money and supplies.  Four months later, they entered Jerusalem, having walked nearly 1,000 miles. 

Ezra carried a letter from the king, verifying their journey, with all the people, and all the money. (If they required anything else, it was available through his treasury.) Artaxerxes wanted to be sure the God of the Jews, “who lived in Jerusalem,” would be pleased with the king and his sons.  Ezra was also commissioned to appoint magistrates and judges to keep the law in this “province Beyond the River.”

Ezra praised God in all this, for he could see “the hand of the LORD his God” working for him.

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Ezra 8.

Again, we find a list of genealogies of the Jewish heads of houses with Ezra. If women and children are included, this wave of exiles numbered 7,000-8,000. (Still, so many Jews remained in Babylon. There would be one more wave returning under Nehemiah.) 

Before Ezra set out with all these people, he proclaimed a fast, “that we might humble ourselves before our God, to seek from Him a safe journey for ourselves, our children, and our goods.”

Ezra was ashamed to ask the king for soldiers and horsemen to protect them on the way, since he had told the king that “the hand of our God is for good on all who seek Him, and the power of His wrath is against all who forsake Him.”  (Now, Ezra really had to trust God, and God listened to his prayer and “delivered them from ambushes on the way”.)

Ezra divided all the valuables among the priests to guard and keep them on the journey.  On arrival, all was safe, and the new returnees joined those who had rebuilt the temple and offered offerings to the God of Israel..

Ezra 9.

All joy and thanksgiving… then Ezra gets the bad news. The officials (leaders) came to him and said,

  • The people of Israel, the priests, and the Levites have NOT separated themselves from the people of the lands and their abominations. They have taken some of their daughters to be their wives and their sons’ wives … so that the “holy race” has mixed itself with the pagan.

(You are kidding, right??)

When Ezra heard this, “he tore his garment and his cloak and pulled hair from his head and beard and sat appalled.”  (This is how it all started!  This was the root of why they were exiled!!)  Others, who “trembled at the words of the God of Israel because of this FAITHLESSNESS, sat with Ezra, appalled until the evening sacrifice..  Then Ezra fell to his knees, spread out his arms to God, and interceded.

  • “O my God, I am ashamed and blush to lift my face to You, my God, for our iniquities have risen higher than our heads, and our guilt has mounted up to the heavens.”
  • From the days of our fathers to this day, we have been in GREAT GUILT. 
  • For our INIQUITIES, we have gone to captivity, to plundering, and to utter shame.

 

  • Now, for a brief moment, favor has been shown us by the LORD our God.  … to leave us a remnant and to give us a “secure hold” within His holy place.
  • We are slaves. But our God has not forsaken us in our slavery, but extended to us His Steadfast Love before the kings of Persia to return us to this place.

 

  • AND NOW, O OUR GOD, WHAT SHALL WE SAY AFTER THIS?
  • For we have forsaken your commandments.
  • After all that has come upon us, You, our God, have not punished us less than our iniquities deserved.

 

  • Shall we break Your commandments again???
  • Would You not be angry with us until you consumed us?
  • O LORD GOD OF ISRAEL, YOU ARE JUST.  WE STAND BEFORE YOU IN OUR GUILT….”

(Wow, what a prayer. It reminds me of the prayer of confession of sin that Daniel prayed.)

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Ezra 10.

While Ezra wept bitterly before the LORD, a great assembly of men, women, and children gathered around him and also wept bitterly.

Then a representative confessed, “We have broken faith with our God and have married foreign women.  But even now, there is hope for Israel in spite of this.  Let us make a covenant with our God to put away all these wives and their children according to the counsel of the commandment of our God, according to the Law.”

Ezra arose and made the leading priests, Levites, and all Israel take an oath that they would do as had been said.  Then he withdrew from before the Temple and spent the night fasting and mourning over the faithlessness of the exiles.

Then a proclamation went out that ALL the returning exiles should assemble at Jerusalem within three days.  If they didn’t, they would lose their property and be banned from the congregation.

WHOA!

All the men of Judah and Benjamin complied. All the people sat down in the square before the House of God.  They TREMBLED because of this matter.

(and because it was raining hard)

Ezra is now called a priest, although he has not yet been initiated. He has interceded for them before God and been recognized as the chief spiritual leader.

Ezra gave them the two essential parts of repentance:

  1. Confess your sin to the LORD your God, and
  2. Do His will. (Separate yourselves from the peoples of the land, from foreign wives.)

It was recognized that the task was huge (and it was raining), so it was agreed that the priests would set up court dates for each unlawful marriage, when the participants would come and formally “be separated” and offer their sin offering.  

It took THREE MONTHS, but it was done. 

Think of the heartbreaks involved. (Husbands who loved their wives; children who needed their daddies.) Sin always has nasty, horrible results that can taint us for a lifetime.

(Appropriate provision was probably made for the divorced wives and any children.)  

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**** O LORD, there is so much to learn from Ezra. His absolute trust and dependence on God. His desire to be a spiritual teacher and leader. His intercessory prayer for the people and confession of sin. His determination to get rid of any sin “in the camp.” 

 

 

Journaling through the Bible Chronologically in 2025, Day 128

 
 

Read Today’s Psalms.  PRAY them, SING them, PRAISE GOD with them.

Psalm 25.

A glorious PRAYER-psalm.  

  • To YOU, O LORD I lift up my soul. O my God, in You I trust.
  • Make me to know Your ways, O LORD; teach me your paths.
  • Lead me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation.
  • Remember your mercy, O LORD, and your steadfast love, 
  • Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to Your steadfast love remember me, for the sake of Your goodness, O LORD.
  • Good and upright is the LORD; He instructs sinners in the way.
  • He leads the humble in what is right and teaches the humble His way.
  • For Your Name’s sake, O LORD, pardon my guilt, for it is great.
  • Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.
  • Oh, guard my soul, and deliver me!  Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in You.
  • May integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for You.

Psalm 29.

A wonderful psalm of God’s MAJESTY!

  • Ascribe to the LORD, O heavenly beings, ascribe to the LORD glory and strength
  • Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name; worship the LORD in the splendor of holiness.

(To “ascribe” means to “give the credit due.”)

Read through this hymn and see all it says about the “voice of the LORD.”

Psalm 33.

Another psalm of many ways and reasons to praise the LORD.

  • Shout for joy in the LORD, O you righteous! Praise befits the upright.
  • Let all the earth fear the LORD; let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of Him!
  • Our soul waits for the LORD;  He is our help and our shield. 
  • For our heart is glad in Him, because we trust in His holy Name … we hope in You.

Psalm 36.

A psalm in praise of God’s Steadfast Love (mercy).

David first describes the wicked person in verses 1-4

  • Transgression speaks to the wicked deep in his heart; there is no fear of God before his eyes.
  • He flatters himself in his own eyes that his iniquity cannot be found out …
  • The words of his mouth are trouble and deceit …
  • He plots trouble while in his bed …

Then his thoughts and eyes turn to the loving, faithful, and righteous God.

  • How precious is your steadfast love, O God!
  • Oh, continue your steadfast love to those who who know you, and your righteousness, to the upright of heart.

Psalm 39.

A personal psalm, a lament looking at David’s heart, and to his “end.”

  • I said, “I will guard my ways, that I may not sin with my tongue; 
  • O LORD, make me know my end and what is the measure of my days; let me know how fleeting I am.
  • Behold you have made my days a few handbreadths, and my lifetime is as nothing before you. Surely all mankind stands as a mere breath!
  • And now, O LORD, for what do I wait?  My hope is in you.

Then comes a time when he turns, confesses sin, and hopes in God.

  • Deliver me from all my transgressions.
  • Remove Your “stroke” from me; I am spent by the hostility of Your hand.
  • When You discipline a man with rebukes for sin, you consume like a moth what is dear to him; surely all mankind is a mere breath!
  • Hear my prayer, O LORD, and give ear to my cry; hold not Your peace at my tears! 
  • Look away from me, that I may smile again before I depart and am no more!

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  • LORD, if You remembered the sins of my youth (and old age), if You marked down and kept track of all my iniquity, I could not stand! I would be consumed like that moth in a fire.  But there is forgiveness with You. I may endure a time of discipline, but I can smile again.  My HOPE is in You. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2024GOAL – Reading Through The Bible Chronologically, day 360

   Day 360—We are in the LAST month of Bible reading for the year, studying the LETTERS of the Apostles.

Day 360 – 1 John 1 – 5 (God is light, confession, God is love, assurance)

1 John is one of three letters the apostle John wrote to the churches in Asia Minor, probably from Ephesus, probably in 90+AD.  He is the only survivor and eyewitness to Jesus’ earthly ministry, which he mentions in the first few verses.

He writes about the danger of false teachers and heresy by asking his readers to remember the fundamentals of faith.  He writes as ‘a loving father to his children’ and tells them how they can be assured of God’s love.

1 John 1.

 John reminds his readers that he has personally seen, heard, and touched “the word of Life” Jesus in the flesh. And what he heard with his own ears he proclaims to them so they may have the joy in knowing Him intimately too.    

The message? “God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all.”  If we know Him, we will walk in the light and have fellowship with Him, and His blood will cleanse us from all sin. If not, we still are in darkness. 

“If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

1 John 2.

My little children, I am writing so you may not sin. But IF anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. He is the propitiation for our sins.” (what satisfies God that our sin has been punished)

Then John writes about the perfect love in Christ that should also be in believers. The “old commandment” was to LOVE GOD supremely and your neighbor as yourself.  The “new commandment” from Jesus was to love your neighbor, as He loved you and gave his life for you (sacrificially: John 13:34-35)  There is no place for hate in the heart of a believer.

Then John writes about the family of God in three spiritual stages: little children, young men, and fathers.  They know the Father, their sins have been forgiven, and they have overcome the evil one…because they are strong and the Word of God abides in them.

“Do not love THE WORLD or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.  For all that is in the world — the desires of the flesh (to indulge yourself), the desires of the eyes (to acquire for yourself), and the pride of possessions (to impress others about yourself) — is NOT from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires. But whoever does the will of God abides forever.”

1 John 3.

See what kind of LOVE the Father has given us – that we should be called ‘the children of god.’ And we know that when He appears, we shall be like Him because we shall see Him as He is. 

This is the message you have heard from the beginning that we should LOVE one another.

By this, we know LOVE, that He laid down His life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.  Little children, let us not LOVE in word or speech but in deed and truth. 

“This is His commandment that we BELIEVE in the name of His Son, Jesus Christ, and LOVE one another.” 

1 John 4.

Do not believe every spirit, but TEST THE SPIRITS to see whether they are from God, for many FALSE PROPHETS have gone out into the world.  BY THIS, you know the Spirit of God: every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God. Every spirit that does NOT confess Jesus is NOT from God, but antichrist.  Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for He who is IN YOU is greater than he who is in the world.

“Beloved, let us LOVE one another, for LOVE is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not LOVE does not know God because GOD IS LOVE.  In this, the LOVE of God was made manifest (clear) among us, that God sent His only Son into the world so that we might live through Him.  In this is LOVE, NOT that we have loved God, but that He LOVED us and sent His Son to be the propitiation (the satisfaction that our sins have been paid for) for our sins.”

If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us.

By this, we KNOW that we abide in Him and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit.

There is no fear in LOVE, but perfect LOVE casts out fear.

We love Him because He first loved us. 

1 John 5.

“Everyone who BELIEVES that Jesus is the Christ has been born of God, and everyone who LOVES the Father loves whoever has been born of him. By this, we know that we love the children of God when we love God and obey his commandments.”

Whoever BELIEVES in the Son of God has the testimony in himself –that God gave us eternal life, and this life is in His Son.  “Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does NOT have the Son of God, does not have life.”

I write these things to you who BELIEVE in the name of the Son of God that you may KNOW that you have eternal life.”

(Amen.)

 

 

 

2024GOAL – Reading Through The Bible Chronologically, day 306

     Day 306—We are in the ELEVENTH month of Bible reading and studying the New Testament Gospels.

Day 306 – Luke 19 (Zacchaeus, ten minas, [Jerusalem])

Luke 19 backs up a little on the timeline and tells about another happening in Jericho besides the healing of blind Bartimaeus. (From a poor blind beggar to a hated, wealthy tax collector.)

Zacchaeus was not a regular tax collector but the chief tax collector in Jericho. He had cheated and stolen so much that Luke says he was RICH. He heard about Jesus coming to town (maybe news about Bartimaeus reached him), and he was curious to see this healer.  BUT this hated. Roman-collaborator was a shortie.  He couldn’t see Jesus because of the crowd surrounding Him. So Z climbed a nearby sycamore tree to get a better look. But the one who sought to see was seen instead. 

Jesus came to the place, looked up, and said his name. “Zacchaeus, hurry and come down, for I must stay at your house today.”  Wow, and Whoa!

Z hurried down from the tree and received Jesus joyfully into his home. (The crowd grumbled about Jesus dining in the house of a sinner!)

Jesus’ visit (and no doubt conversation) changed the heart of this diminutive Publican. He repented of his cheating and scheming, greediness and pride.  “Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor. And if I have defrauded anyone of anything, I restore it fourfold.”  Willingly, Z gave to the poor far beyond what was required in the law for charitable giving.  Only one-fifth of restitution (20%) was required by law to pay back someone defrauded.  Z pledged more, saying he was no better than a common robber.

Unlike the “rich, young ruler” whose money meant more to him than eternal life, Z showed he had found incalculable spiritual riches in knowing Jesus, the Messiah.  “Today salvation has come to this house,” Jesus said, “since he also is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”  (How this must have cheered Jesus as his death drew closer.)

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Amazed by what happened in Zacchaeus’ house, Jesus’ disciples and the crowd needed some clarification. (Wicked sinners coming to salvation, while self-righteous Jews being turned away.) 

So, Jesus told the parable of the Ten Minas (Greek form of money, about a 60th of a talent). It symbolized the work that He would entrust to His servants while He went away and the hatred of the citizens who told Him they did NOT want Him to reign over them.

A nobleman went into a far country to receive for himself a kingdom and then to return. (This pictures Jesus going to Heaven to receive His Kingdom and then returning.) The nobleman left his servants in charge of his business. He gave them each one mina to manage for their master (equal gifts). When the nobleman returned, he rewarded each servant for what they had gained. The one who did nothing with what his master gave him was rewarded nothing. Indeed, the one mina was taken from him. 

And for those citizens who did NOT want the nobleman to reign over them…they were all slaughtered.  This was directed towards the Jews who actively opposed Jesus, and it “could” depict the destruction of Jerusalem in 70 AD…or the final wrath of God in the end times.

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Then Jesus arrives at Jerusalem, rides into the city on a donkey, weeps for it, and cleanses the Temple. We’ll look at that more tomorrow. 

 

#2024GOAL – Reading Through The Bible Chronologically, days 138

    Day 138—We are in our FIFTH month of Bible reading.   Are you loving God more each day? Are you reciting, praying, and singing the Psalms we’ve been reading?  Share in the comments section.

    Day 138 – Psalms 26, 40, 58, 61, 62, 64. – (Psalms of David during and after the calamity with Absalom)

Psalm 26. “Vindicate me, O LORD, for I have walked in my integrity and I have trusted in the LORD without wavering. Prove me, O LORD, and try me; test my heart and my mind.”

Psalm 40. I waited patiently for the LORD; He inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God.”

“For evils have encompassed me beyond number; my iniquities have overtaken me, and I cannot see; they are more than the hairs of my head; my heart fails me.  Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me! O LORD, make haste to help me!”    “As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God.”

Psalm 58. David proclaims judgment on the wicked but contrasts the righteous. “Mankind will say, ‘Surely there is a reward for the righteous; surely there is a God who judges the earth!”

Psalm 61.  “Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint.  Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy.”

Psalm 62. “For God ALONE, my soul waits in silence; from Him comes my salvation. He ONLY is my rock and my salvation, my fortress, I shall not be greatly shaken.     “For God ALONE, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him.”     “Trust in Him at ALL times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.”

Psalm 64.  “Hear my voice, O God, in my complaint; preserve my life from dread of the enemy. Hide me from the secret plots of the wicked, from the throng of evildoers…”     “Let the righteous one rejoice in the LORD and take refuge in Him! Let all the upright in heart exult!,,”

Stories of Missionary Life in Africa for Children (#7) “Just Pretending”

mk-story-coversThis story is the SEVENTH in the Missionary Kids Stories about the Matthews family who live in Malawi, Africa.

Each story is written in the form of a letter from one of the Matthews’ children. There are seven children, (but the baby can’t write yet!).

I write these stories so young readers can learn about missionary life in Africa. The MKs (Missionary Kids) will tell stories about cultural differences (and similarities) such as eating DEAD MICE in the first MK story, or why guard dogs are necessary in Malawi as in BIG BLACK DOGS (the second story). They will also show how they face the same temptations, emotions, and problems that all kids everywhere do. I hope to entertain and inform the children, but mostly I want to quietly teach them truths from the Bible, God’s Word, as it pertains to their everyday lives.

So, here is the next story!  (If you are new here, scroll down, or check the list on the side bar to begin the with the FIRST story and meet the kids and their idiosyncrasies in order.)

“Just Pretending”

Hi kids,

This is Melody again. I know it’s my sister April’s turn to write to you. You will like her. She’s cute and smart and was born in April…of course.

She loves to read books – any books just about. She even likes to read cookbooks!  And she likes Kids’ National Geographic Magazines that tell about other places in the world, and animals and insects and snakes – which there are a LOT of here in Malawi.

In fact… she was reading that magazine on the day after the big rain Julie told you about, when she almost fell into that old deep well in our backyard. She was reading and NOT paying attention to where she was going.

Pssstt! Don’t tell anybody, but that magazine ended up at the bottom of the hole when Marshall grabbed her to keep her from falling in!  Later, after she got over being scared, she was mad because she hadn’t finished reading it!

April has also read the whole Chronicles of Narnia series. Did you ever read those?  We ALL did. Dad has the complete set in his library, but he lets us read them any time we want. He has a Pilgrim’s Progress book with pictures too

The thing is…. when April is reading a book, she really gets into it and doesn’t want to stop (like right now!).  And … sometimes she acts like she is one of the characters, and talks like them for days. Once, when she was reading The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, she pretended that our dog, Gideon, was Aslan, and called him that for a week. (He didn’t care.)

Oh, here she comes…finally!

I got to warn you – her eyes are staring off into the distance and she is walking slowly, so I know she is still thinking about something she was reading.

“Hey, April!  The kids are waiting for you. Just start writing….

 

Hello there!

Yes, I am April, and I do like – no, I LOVE – to read. When I am reading, it is like I am right there inside the story. Do you ever do that?  And when the book is done, I am sad.  Sometimes I start reading it all over again.

Let’s see….. I think I will tell you about what happened last April, soon after my birthday, which is the day after April Fool’s Day. I am SOOOO glad I was not born on April Fool’s Day. (Thank you, Mom!)

Well, of course I got BOOKS for my birthday, also a new set of 50 colored markers, and a big, thick sketching pad. Besides reading, I like to draw pictures. Sometimes I draw pictures from the books I read.

Sometimes I even make up stories with the same characters that are in the books.  These stories I keep secret in my journal. I would be embarrassed for anyone to read them, especially Melody who teases me about reading so much!  SHE likes to go outside and DO things.

Oh, sometimes I show my teacher a story that I wrote, if we have an assignment or something. That’s different, and I get graded… usually an “A”.

Anyway, last April I got two really wonderful books. Melody says I got “super cuckoo crazy” about them and I guess I did.  But, I learned a really important lesson from them too. I still get the shivers when I think about that time.

Here’s how it happened.

The two books I got for my birthday, were Anne of Green Gables and Anne of Avonlea.  Have you heard of them?  They are really good, and in fact there are MORE of them in the series that I don’t have yet. I don’t blame what happened on the books. No…. it was all me.

mk-stories-anne-of-green-gables

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Melody was sitting at the kitchen table that day doing some homework for Mrs. Molenaar’s class when I came in to get a glass of water from the water purifier bottle on the counter. I had been reading the first “Anne”  book (for the third time). I so love Anne!  I wish I could be so smart and fun as she was. That’s why I…..

“APRIL, what did you DO???” Melody yelled, standing up so quickly her chair fell back. “You are SO going to get into trouble!”

That’s when she came over and tweaked the two braids that I had made in my hair… the braids that I had “colored” with some of my new markers to match Anne’s in the book.

“Please call me Miss Aprile…with an e,” I said.

“What? Are you kidding me?” Melody said. “April doesn’t have an ‘e’ in it.”

“It does now!” I said with my teeth grinding.

Just as my hero Anne in the books didn’t want to be plain old Ann with no “e”, I didn’t want to be plain old April any more.

“Okay, April, I’m leaving before Mom comes,” Melody said. “And you’d better not use that stupid “prim-missy” accent on her. Just be yourself. It’s good enough!”

Well, that’s when I got into that “pretending” that Melody talked about. I practiced sitting up very straight with my hands folded in my lap.

I said aloud, “I AM myself. I’m Aprile Grace. I’m an orphan who was adopted by this nice Matthews family because they needed a girl to help clean the house and cook and do the washing.  I lived in an orphanage till I was six years old and was afraid no one would EVER want me.

“The Matthews family didn’t want me at first either. They wanted a boy. But they changed their mind because I am so funny and  entertaining.  Now I live here, but I have to behave and do all my chores, and say all my prayers, or else they might send me back to the orphanage….”

“APRIL GRACE MATTHEWS, what are you saying???”

“That’s Audrey Matthews,” I said aloud in my Anne voice. “She’s my adopted mother–”

“April, stop that right now!  You are not adopted. You did not come from an orphanage. And you know very well that Asala is our housekeeper.  Let me see that book!”

I had to give her my Anne of Green Gables book. I slowly took my finger out of the mark where I had been reading when I came to get that glass of water. I’d read the whole book before, like I said, so I knew what would happen, but I didn’t want to lose my place!  Still, I had to obey, so I handed it to … Audrey.

“April, we need to talk again about your pretending to be one of the people in your books. I know you love to read, and that you really “get into” the stories you are reading, but…”

“But Mom!” I said with a pout. (I knew she really WAS my mother). “They have such fun in their lives, and do exciting things and have “bosom” friends and go on picnics and eat ice cream….”

“April.  We had ice cream after dinner last night.”

“But…”

“No buts, April. You have to stop this. It is lying.”

“Pretending….”

“Lying. When you say things to people that are not true, April, it is lying.  Someday, some person is going to believe your “pretends” and it will get you in trouble.  It might even get us ALL into trouble. Do you want that?”

I shook my head.

“I’m going to put this book away for now,” she said. “You may not read it…. or any other book except your Bible, for two weeks.”

“But, M-o-o-o-m-m-mmmm…. please don’t do that!” I cried, and got real tears in my eyes. (At least I tried really hard to make them real.)  But she shook her head and took my book with her and went out of the kitchen.

“And you’d better hope that marker comes out of your hair!” I heard her say from down the hall.

“Told…..you…..” said another voice is a quiet whisper.

“Be quiet, Melody!” I yelled. “You shouldn’t have been listening.”

My sister giggled and then ran across the living room, her sandals making flap-flap-flap sounds on the marble tiles. The door slammed and I knew she was outside.

Well, I didn’t care if I did get into trouble for coloring my hair orangey-red with markers. I thought it looked pretty! (Too bad you couldn’t have seen it. I know you would like it.  Maybe.)

I wished I really DID have red hair instead of plain brown hair like all my brothers and sisters. (The boys all have dark brown hair like Dad’s, Julie’s is almost blond, and Melody, June, and me have dumb old “nothing” brown hair. June says it is like brown sugar or caramel, but I think it is like… muddy water!)

I wanted to be special… instead of just plain April with blah brown hair.

There IS one way that I am special, but I didn’t think of it back then.  I am the first in our family to be BORN in Malawi.  Melody says she became Malawian when she ate a mouse (ewww).  But all I had to do was to get born.

Of course, Gus and Deek – when he’s older – could say the same thing.  We three – and Freddie who died – were born in Malawi, but I was FIRST. It makes me happy to think of this now, but back then, all I could think about was ME and how plain I was, compared to all those wonderful people in my books.

I forgot so fast that I had just had a birthday, and that everyone had given me presents, and I had eaten my favorite cake, and had worn a birthday hat, and had everyone sing to me. I forgot to have thanks in my heart.

Since I only had my Bible to read, I read all of Jesus’ parables in Matthew. (I like that Gospel book the best, because my last name is Matthews!)

Jesus’ parables made me think of the stories I wrote in my journal. They were parables too, right?  Mine were mostly about me, of course, and how fun or smart or pretty I could be. And they didn’t have a lesson at the end, like Jesus’ stories did.

mk-stories-sower-seeds

Hmmm… how could I write one with a “moral” at the end?  I would have to think about that.

~~~~

Easter came in April that year, so I also read about the resurrection of Jesus in all four of the Gospel books.  I especially liked Mary Magdalene. She was so beautiful (I imagined) and so sad to believe that Jesus had died and she couldn’t even find his body to put spices and things on.  I loved her scene where she thought Jesus was the gardener!

That made me think about Ngunda, our gardener. Could I write a story about him and me that had a moral?  I would have to think about that too.

I was so excited the next week when my class decided to put on the Easter play at our church, and I was picked to be…. Mary Magdalene!!!  Wow!  I knew just how dramatically to play her.  I could really be HER because I had so much practice being other characters in my books. (See, Melody! Na-na-na!)

I memorized all her words from the Bible and thought about adding some more to make her even more special, but the teacher said “No, way!” and gave me a verse in the book of Revelation to read – 22:18, I think.  (I told her I would read it, but didn’t get around to doing it right away.)

I practiced Mary’s words and decided how I would act when I saw that the tomb was empty (overcome with sadness), how I would jump back to see the angels (Oh, My!), how I weep (that means cry) and then fall at Jesus’ feet when He said my name…. Mary…,  and how I would hold on to His feet to keep Him from leaving again.

And then the way I would get up, my face shining (somehow – maybe have some lotion on my hands?),  and run away so excited to tell all those unbelieving, scared disciples that Jesus really WAS alive.

Oh, it was going to be so good!

We got the costumes – pretty simple, so I added a fancy sash, which my teacher wouldn’t let me use. I guess Mary WAS in mourning, so she wouldn’t dress like that….okay, I get it.

Anyway, every day I walked around our house or the yard outside practicing her words and actions. I got Gus to play Jesus once, so I could practice falling down and grabbing his feet. But he said it felt weird and wouldn’t do it again.

Finally the Sunday came. It was the day of my great part in the Easter play. Mom took me early so we could practice in the church’s main room (it’s called a sanctuary). Someone made a big rock-looking tomb out of cardboard with a cut-out for the door and a big cardboard circle for the stone that was rolled in front. It was pretty good!  I think my brother Marshall worked on it too.

Everyone had on costumes, including head scarves over the girls heads. I tied mine on so you could see my face good.

The angels were in white bathrobes (really??), and Jesus…. Well, Jesus was…. He looked really amazing!  Somehow they had put glitter or something on his white robe because it kind of sparkled.  I wasn’t going to have any trouble falling at his feet, but… to pretend I thought he was the gardener…, well THAT was going to take some good acting.

Maybe if I sort of covered my eyes with my scarf – no, I didn’t like that idea. I would have to cover my eyes with my hands, leaving a little space so I could see where I was going.

I was SO excited! The crowd – which was huge on Easter Sunday – was really going to love me.

I played my part perfectly (and only added a few words of my own, to clarify which Mary I was). Daniel M., who played Jesus, looked a little startled when I said, “Teacher!” then added, “Yes, it’s me, the one You cast seven demons out of!” But he’s a good actor too, and went on with his lines perfectly, sending me off to tell the disciples the good news.

mk-stories-mary-m-jesus

The rest of the play was about Jesus meeting with the disciples and having them touch his wounds and telling them to “Believe, and then to go tell the world about what He had done.”

People really clapped at the end!  I was smiling so big when I took my bow. Wow, it felt so good!  I thought right then that I might become an actress when I grew up!  It felt amazing to be so special and admired.

Well, I pretty much floated through the rest of the day. Dad preached on how important the resurrection of Jesus was from 1 Corinthians 15, I think.  Then we had a big pot-luck lunch with the Floreens and the Ayers and the Kopps at our house.

Abby said SHE wanted to play Mary next year, but I secretly thought that “I” had that role sewed up for a few years.

Zoe thought Jesus was so wonderful in his white shining robe. She said she loved His words about going to all nations to preach the Gospel.

“That’s why my family moved to Africa,” she said, “so we can tell Malawi people the good news about Jesus.”

Well, THAT was why MY family came there too. Duh!  And the Ayres. And the Floreens. And Pastor B and Mrs. B. We were missionaries, right?

But my part in the play!  Wasn’t it great?

JoJo and Titus really liked how I fell down at Jesus’ feet.

“Did it hurt?” JoJo asked, adjusting his glasses.

Caleb told how he would have done it. “I would have fallen down, rolled over twice, and spread my arms out wide, and crossed my eyes.”

BOYS!

Melody said, “Why didn’t you color your hair blue, April? Or purple? You would have gotten noticed even more!”

Melody is so mean.

What’s weird is, Mom and Dad didn’t say ANYTHING about how I played Mary Magdalene. I know they SAW the play. They talked to my teacher afterwards. Why didn’t they say how they liked me in it?

~~~~

In our family devotions that night Dad read about John the Baptist, how he said Jesus must increase while he (John) wanted to decrease. What did THAT mean? I guess it was good that he wanted Jesus to have more followers than he did – especially since he was going to get be-headed pretty soon.

But why read this on Easter night?  And why did they have ME read that one section about Jesus being the bridegroom and John the Baptist, as His best man?  Did this have anything to do with Jesus turning water into wine at another wedding?

I just couldn’t THINK of that right then. I wanted to think about that scene in the garden by the tomb where I…..

~~~~

All the next week after Easter, I replayed my words from the play and acted out my scenes whenever I went outside to play in the back yard. Julie was pushing Deek on the swing one of the times I was pretending to be Mary Magdalene again.

“Where have you taken His body?” I said loudly, weeping, to an imaginary gardener/Jesus.

“Body!” repeated Deek.

“Oh, April, you and your missing “body!” Don’t you get tired of doing that over and over a hundred times?” She gathered up Deek and went inside the house.

“No, I don’t,” I said to no one, and flung myself on the ground as if to plead with Jesus to stay and not go away again.

“Miss April! You all right?”  It was Asala, our housekeeper, coming out of their little house at the back of our property. She was carrying her little baby boy named Praise on one hip and a laundry basket on the other. She looked worried and started toward me.

I laid there without moving for a minute longer, enjoying the impression I was making. She hurriedly put down the basket, and rushed toward me.  At the last minute I moved and sat up, smiling. “I’m fine, Asala,” I told her. “I was just begging Jesus not to go away again.”

Asala stopped dead still, her eyes wide open, squeezing little Praise until he started to whimper. “What you talking about?” she asked, looking all around.

“I’m Mary,” I said, “and they took the body of Jesus away. That’s what I first believed, but then I saw Him and fell at his feet!”

“You, April, not Mary,” she said, easing up a little but still looking around cautiously. “Not good to play-act about dead bodies!”

So…. to tease her, I stood up and “became” Anne again. “Oh, please don’t tell Audrey, Miss Asala! She will send me back to the orphanage!”

“Orphanages are no good places to play-act about either,” said Asala, turning and picking up the basket. She swung Praise around to her back in that sling thing she wears and started hanging up the wet clothes, all the while watching me.

So…. I pretended to be a bunch of characters in my books and in the Bible, one after the other. Why not, with such a good audience?  It was such great fun. But when I came to the story of Lazarus walking out of his tomb like a zombie at Jesus’ command, she quickly picked up the empty basket and went into her house.

I decided to make some drawings in my sketching book and brought it and the markers out to the back yard. It was so nice there on the grass after I put a blanket down, that I drew maybe about six pictures before I heard a loud rumbling of men’s voices from behind our back wall.

It was in Chichewa so I couldn’t understand even one word. It kept up and then the back, chained wooden gate rattled a little. And one voice got louder.

What was it? I was about to go inside, when Asala came out of her house and went to the gate.  She spoke in the native Malawian language, listened awhile, then came running to me, her face serious.

I got up quickly.

“Miss April,” she panted, “please to go tell your mother that those men… they say they need her help.  There is a dead body behind the wall.”

“WHAT?” I cried. I looked toward the wall and heard the voices.

“Please to hurry,” urged Asala again.

A body behind our wall?  A dead body?  How had it gotten there? Had those men… killed someone? Were they going to come into our yard?  Where was Ngunda?  Then I remembered that he had gone with Marshall to take the dogs to get their vaccinations. That meant…. no guard dogs either!

I was scared. This was not like play-acting!

“Go, tell her come!” repeated Asala.

I ran into the house, so panicked I could hardly breathe.

“Mom, MOM!” I screamed. “Someone killed a man behind our back wall. There are men wanting to come in and kill us too!  Asala said to call the police!”

Mom got scared too. “What, honey? What are you saying about a murdered man? Behind our wall?  Oh, this can’t be happening when your Father and Ngunda and Marshall are all gone!!”

“And the dogs!” I whispered.

“What? Oh, yes, the dogs are gone too!”

She went to the side door and stepped out to the patio. You could clearly hear the men’s voices from there.  She ran and got her cell phone, pushing an automatic call button.

“HUDSON, You have to come home right now! Call the police and hurry home. There is a mob behind our back yard and they have killed someone already. They are trying to get in!  OH, HURRY!”

By that time, Julie, Melody, June and Gus were in the room too, their eyes wide with fear. Deek, being carried by Julie, started to cry, repeating the new word he had learned, “Body…body…body!”

“Let’s pray, children,” said Mom. We huddled together and she prayed for our protection, for wisdom about what to do, about getting Dad home quickly from ABC, for the police to come too. “O God, You are our refuge and strength. We will not fear. What can men do to us without Your  knowledge?”

We all heard a car honk at our fence in the front and Melody ran out to let in Dad. Amazingly he had a policeman with him, the one who was stationed at the new crossing gate at the end of our street.

“Audrey, tell me what is happening?” Dad said. The policeman cocked his head toward the rumbling in the back, but waited to hear.

“Asala told April….” Mom started. “Oh, April you tell it.”

“There was a rumbling of voices outside our back wall.” I said. “I thought I heard someone scream for help, and then sounds like sticks or rocks hitting somebody’s head. And a big thud to the ground.” I demonstrated how I thought it might have happened, but didn’t fall all the way down.

“Then there was a pounding on the back gate. I thought it was going to break right down!” I cringed to show how scared I was.

“Asala came out, but she was very afraid to go near the wall, so she called from way back and told them to go away. They talked in loud voices to her in Chichewa and she answered back. Then they talked more and louder, and she came to me and told me to run and have Mom call the police, that they were all going to come in and kill us too! And I did what she told me. Oh, Daddy!!”

The uniformed man took out his club and went immediately around the house to the back wall.

“Go inside everyone,” Dad said and followed the man.

We all went to the back of the house where Mom and Dad’s room was and peeked out the curtains. The policeman was talking to Asala. Then he put his hands on his hips and looked back at the house. Dad came up to them, and the policeman and Asala talked to him.  I saw him relax his shoulders and take a big breath.

What was the matter with them? Couldn’t they see we were all in danger?

All three walked to the back fence. Dad unlocked a tiny little peek-hole door in the gate and spoke through the opening.  He listened. Then he talked to Asala; then to the policeman. She nodded and the policeman shrugged.

Then Dad did something amazing!   He took out his big wallet and shoved a wad of Kwacha through the little door in the gate. WHAT???

icash

Oh! I get it. He must be paying blackmail or something! Giving them money to make them go away.

Then he closed the little door and re-locked it.  Asala went into her house, and Dad and the policeman walked to our back door.  By that time we were all crowding out to hear what he had to say.

“Did you pay them a ransom for us, Daddy?” I asked, scared but in an exciting way.

“April,” he said, “this officer wants to say something to you.”

mk-stories-cop-and-matt

“Missy,” he said, eyeing me like I was a criminal or something. “Do not lie again or I will have to come and take you to Maula Prison.”

He stared at me for a minute, and then he turned and walked out our front gate.

“I ran to Mom and hugged her tight. “What does he mean? What does he mean?”

“Come inside, all of you,” Dad said.  We all went into the living room and sat down. “April you have told one pretend story too many.  And you are going to be punished.  Asala told us the real story. She said that those men needed our help, and that you were to go get your mother.”

“But the dead body, Daddy—-”

“Hush. You are not to say a word.  Yes, there is a dead body back there. Yes, there is a crowd of men. Yes, they did want to get our attention…. BUT.”  Here he looked at me very sternly. “You imagined all the rest. This was a funeral procession.  The dead body is in a wooden box carried by four friends.  It is the custom in Malawi for poor people to go to the fences of nice homes and ask for a donation to help cover the cost of burial.

mk-stories-funeral2

They were asking for our HELP, April, and we nearly had the police take them to jail for…. for murder!  Do you understand what this would have meant for us?  For our witness among the poor people in our community?  What would the Malawians at church have thought of their pastor sending a funereal party to jail?

“How about the ridicule or expensive fines from the authorities – it will be bad enough when Banda tells our story around – although I asked him not to. April—”  Here my Dad sighed and put his face into his hands.

After a while, he raised up and said, “See what your pretending, no, let’s call it what it is, what your LYING has nearly cost us?”

I felt bad and sorrier than I’ve ever felt before. I didn’t have to pretend, I started crying for real. What had my pretending done?  It was getting so that I believed my own made up stories!!  Would I get so that I didn’t know the REAL truth at anymore?

Dad must have heard my thoughts, because he said, “Lying is just like any other sin, April.  When you do it over and over, pretty soon you don’t feel bad about it.  You get better at sinning.  And your conscience can’t be heard any more.  It’s like you turn off God’s voice in your heart. Then the Evil One can have his own way.”

“No, Daddy! I am really sorry. I don’t want to preten- to lie again!  I don’t want to hurt people. I don’t want God’s voice to be turned off in me. Oh, Daddy, what can I do?”

It was here that he quoted 1 John 1:9. I knew it by heart already.

‘If we confess our sin, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.’ “

“April, God is holy and He can’t just overlook sin. Do you know HOW He can forgive us when we sin?  It is because He put all of every true believer’s sin – ALL of it – on Jesus on the cross. Jesus had no sin of his own, only ours. Then God – who hates sin above all else looked away and crushed His only dear Son to death. Our dear Savior paid the wages for sin that WE were supposed to pay. Death.

“Then Jesus rose again… on Easter… (Here, he gave me a long look.), proving that God accepted His Son’s payment for sin IN FULL.

“You know your Mom’s favorite verse, don’t you?” He turned to Mom. “Audrey, say it, please?”

‘For God made Him who knew NO sin, to BE sin for us, that WE might become the righteousness of God in Him.’  2 Corinthians 5:21,” she said softly.

Dad nodded to her and she gathered the rest of my family into the other room.

Daddy and I kneeled down right there. (He groaned a little when his bad knee touched tile floor.”

“Go ahead, April.”

“Dear Heavenly Father,” I began. “Thank you for being such a good God, for making a way that I could be forgiven for my sin. It must have hurt You a lot to kill your own Son. I am so sorry for that!  And I am sorry for… lying.  I know it is sin. You say so in Your Bible. So I did sin today. And I have sinned by lying a lot.  I don’t want your voice to be shut off in my heart. I want to hear You when you tell me not to do something. Please forgive me, for Jesus sake, for what He did.  You said You would.”

I know I was forgiven right then. I believed what God said in 1 John.

Then I added a PS to my prayer. “And dear Heavenly Father, I confess my other sins too…for being mean to Melody when she was trying to set me right…for thinking I was SO great in the Easter play, even better and more important than Jesus!  Oh, dear God!  If Jesus had not come back to life, then… then… then You could never forgive my sin…. ever!  I made my role of Mary Magdalene bigger than Jesus, when HE is the most important. I bet SHE never would have thought like that in real life. I am so sorry.”

After that, Dad got up and hugged me. We sat on the couch and both of us had a “good” cry. Then he went back to work at the College, and I sat by myself for a long time. I was one of God’s adopted children. Adopted forever, with no threat of being sent back to any “orphanage.”  I WAS special to God. I didn’t have to pretend to be anything different than that.  I took a big happy breath and let it out.

I felt like laughing. So I did!

 

Well, that happened six months ago. I still like to read books and can’t help getting “into”  the stories I read. But I don’t want to BE the people I read about….. except Jesus. I am a daughter of a KING!  How could I be better than that??

Love,  April Grace

Wow! I just realized what my middle name really means – it’s how God saves people!

 

“Come, my young friends and listen to me. And I will teach you to honor the Lord.”  ~~~ Psalm 34:11   Good News Bible

Confession and Forgiveness

1 John 1:8-9 ~~~ “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.  If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. “

angry wifeThis morning I got angry because the plans I’d made for the day were foiled.  I had carefully planned a day trip, which involved my hubby (which he had previously agreed to) and a visit to a family member, a pleasant lunch, and — using the car pool lane to drive the 70 miles through Los Angeles.  Over the weekend, however, Hubby made different plans unbeknownst to me, and declared that we would be having company at our house that morning.  

What? Had he forgotten MY plans? 

I stated (inwardly seething) that I would then go alone (suffer the congested traffic both ways) and HE could stay at home and meet HIS friends.  I did not, of course want him to agree, but he said eagerly, “Okay, if you are sure you don’t mind.”

Don’t mind?  YES, I minded, but I am stubborn of heart and stiff of neck. I oh-so-sweetly put my things in the car and backed out of the driveway. My heart was not loving and kind or happy. It was vindictive and petulant. I am sure I cut off several innocent drivers on the freeway and thought nasty thoughts about everyone for most of the hour and a half drive. It was only by God’s grace that I was not rewarded with a ticket or worse.

The visit was pleasant and by the time I left to come home I was almost over my grouchiness. I GUESS it had turned out okay, I thought reluctantly.   But later, when I sat down with my Bible for “quiet time” with my God, I knew it hadn’t.  The anger and petulance of the morning now stood between me and fellowship with Him, and I cried out in dismay.

*******

O my Father, I have sinned again today. I sin everyday, often. I am continually walking through mud puddles of sin; muck, dirt, dust, dung.  I try to avoid it, but I both blindly and willfully sin, like today.  Father I want to DIE to sin! I hate it, but I keep allowing my old sinful nature to reign.

I confess, I felt resentment and jealousy, and anger, and spite. But right now, I feel regret and sorrow for the words I spoke, for my foolishness and immaturity. Lord, I hate these sins!  I need washing!

I want to be loving sacrificially, as YOU love, not demanding my own way or pouting or going off in a huff. I want to be willing to be second place. Help me to humble myself and hate my selfishness.  May your spirit and Word rule in my life.

These are my sins, and many more. Just when I think I might be becoming more Christlike, I see that I am sinful and fleshly.  But, Father, YOU PROMISED that if I see my sins and agree with you about them and repent of them, that You will – for Christ’s sake – forgive me.

Christ’s death atoned for my sins – all of them – and satisfied Your wrath against me and them on the cross.  Even right now, You have said that He is interceding for me – pleading his own sacrificed blood before You for my sin. Cleanse me of these and all other unrighteousness you find in me – for His sake. As You promised.

I am standing on, depending on, this promise. As far as I understand Your Word, I am forgiven. My sins of this morning are wiped clean.  Thank You!

O keep these nasty “infections” from reoccurring again. (Oh, to be inoculated against sin!)  Holy Spirit, hit me upside my head when I begin to rebel! Word of God, permeate my dim wits and sound the alarm!  Father in heaven lead me, prod me, in the way that I should go and think and speak.

“Let the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart be acceptable in Thy sight, O Lord, my strength and my redeemer.” ~~~ Psalm 19:14