I woke up very early this morning with the Four D’s (Depression-Doubt-Distress-Despair) weighing heavily on my mind and spirit. It’s not a good feeling at Christmas time, but it’s not uncommon, or so I’m told.
Busyness has kept me from my devotions: time in God’s word and prayer. I’ve been diving right into my “things to do” list, skimping and even skipping that precious time with God. As a consequence, my prayers have become perfunctory, barely reaching the ceiling, which then brought on a sense of unease and guilt, which always leads to despair.
Weariness and weakness (from a seemingly endless bowel condition which sends me visiting “John” 4-5 times per night) added to my distress. Then doubt and depression followed. “I am so sinful,” I thought. “I can’t pray or intercede. I can’t understand the truths from the word. What is wrong with me?”
And then came that list (emailed to my conscience from the devil). “I am selfish, self-concerned, self-righteous (no better than that Pharisee!). I’m lazy, lukewarm, a hypocrite. I lack the Spirit’s filling power or maybe even…. His regeneration! Am I really saved?” What a pity party! But it was also a confession of sorts.
Where to turn but to my Heavenly Father. “Oh, help me by your Spirit! I need a spiritual HUG!! Do you DO that, Lord?”
I thought of the Apostle Paul who was “troubled on every side, yet not distressed; perplexed, but not in despair.” 2 Corinthians 4:8 Oh, to be like Paul!
Then Romans 8 “came to my mind.” I turned to the passage and read that glorious first verse, “Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the spirit.”
“Am I walking after the FLESH, or after the SPIRIT of God?” My defeated, doubting spirit needed to know.
I got out my journal and listed in two columns the things of the flesh and the things of the Spirit from the following verses in chapter 8. http://bit.ly/1ApHbXv As I listed the evidences, I saw, that although some things of the flesh still clung to me, I was firmly in the camp of the Spirit, and my heart began to lift.
My eyes fell on verse 26, “the Spirit also helps our weaknesses…”
And on verse 28, “we know God causes all things work together for good to those who love Him…who are called according to His purpose.”
Verses 31-34 ask, If God be for me, who can be against me? Will GOD be against me, who loved me so much He spared not His Son for me? No!
Will CHRIST condemn me, who died and was raised and is at the right hand of God interceding right now for me? No!
And…. if MY HEART condemns me, God is greater than my heart and HE knows everything about me. 1 John 3:19-20 http://bit.ly/1GQKLfl
Then in verses 35-39, Paul lists fourteen mighty things that CANNOT separate me from God’s love. http://bit.ly/16tD3Ni And to those fourteen, I added “the Four D’s.”
Oh, thank You, Father. This is the spiritual HUG I needed!! I do not deserve your love, but you give it to me freely because of Your Son. You are so good and compassionate! You know my “frame, that it is mere dust.” You are so faithful and true!
WHO can comprehend the LOVE of God? The God who would reach down to His struggling daughter and give her a much-needed hug on a rainy day.