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2024GOAL – Reading Through The Bible Chronologically, day 320

Nov16

Day 320—We are in the ELEVENTH month of Bible reading and studying The ACTS of the Apostles with the LETTERS of the Apostles.

Day 320 – Acts 1 – 3 (Jesus last appearance, His ascension, Holy Spirit, preaching and converts, miracle healing)

Acts 1.

While Jesus was still on earth, He ordered His disciples not to leave Jerusalem but to wait for “the promise of the Father, the baptism with the Holy Spirit.

They asked Jesus WHEN He was going to restore the kingdom of Israel. Jesus told them it wasn’t for them to know, only the Father.  FIRST, they were to be witnesses for Him throughout the whole earth, beginning in Jerusalem and spiraling out.  Then – before their very eyes – Jesus was lifted up to heaven, disappearing in a cloud.  They stared and stared until two angels called them back to reality.  “This Jesus, who was taken from you into heaven, will come in the same way you saw Him go.”

When they returned to the city from the Mount of Olives, where Jesus had ascended, they all met together in the upper room. 120 were all of one accord and devoted themselves to prayer.  Peter, taking his position as leader, brought up the topic of Judas. Their first order of business after praying was to choose a disciple to replace him. When two men’s names were put before them – men who had been with Jesus from His baptism by John until His ascension – they prayed again and cast lots.  Matthias was chosen to join the eleven. (See Proverbs 16:33.)

(NOTE: This was the last time the Old Testament method of revealing God’s will was used. After the Holy Spirit came and indwelt them, it was not necessary.)

Acts 2.

Finally, the day of Pentecost arrived. (50 days after Passover, and a time to show God gratitude for the beginning of their harvest season*.)  And while the 120 men and women were together in the upper room….suddenly, from heaven, a SOUND like a mighty rushing wind was heard, filling the entire house.  Divided TONGUES AS OF FIRE appeared to them and rested on each one. THEY WERE FILLED WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit gave them utterance.

Outside the house were crowds of Jews and Gentile converts who had come to Jerusalem for the Feasts.  At the sound of the wind and the speaking, they came together to investigate.  They each heard the 120 speaking the mighty works of God in the language of their own country. They were bewildered, amazed, and astonished.

“Are not these all Galileans?”

“How is it that we hear each of us in our own native language?” (16 languages are named)

“What does this mean?”

“They must be filled with new wine.”

But Peter, the bold, outspoken, sometimes foolish disciple, is now filled with the Holy Spirit and power from above. “Men of Judea and all who dwell in Jerusalem…these people are NOT DRUNK, since it’s only 9:00 am. THIS is what the prophet JOEL said.”  (He quotes Joel 2:28-32, about how, in the last days, God’s Spirit will be poured out on all flesh, and they will speak, prophesy, and do signs and wonders. And everyone who calls upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.”

Then he preaches a powerful sermon about how the righteous Jesus was put to death by lawless men, but God raised Him up.  He quotes other scriptures as if he were a studied rabbi but solely empowered by the Spirit.  He tells them “we all are witnesses of the resurrection!”

“Let all the house of Israel therefore know for certain that God has made Him both Lord and Christ, this Jesus, WHOM YOU CRUCIFIED.”

These Spirit-empowered words cut to the hearts of the multitude. “Brothers, what shall we do??”

“Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins!” And with many other words, Peter bore witness and continued to exhort them. And those who received his word were baptized, and there were added that day about 3,000 souls.

And all these devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. Day by day, they attended the temple together, broke bread in their homes, and praised God.

And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

Acts 3.

One day, on the way to the temple, Peter and John saw a beggar near the gate called the Beautiful Gate, asking for alms.  The two apostles fixed their eyes on him and said, “Look at us.”  The man looked at them, expecting some hand-outs.  But Peter said those words that have been made into a wonderful children’s song, “Silver and gold have I none. But such as I have, give I to you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk!”

Peter took the man by the hand and pulled him up, and IMMEDIATELY, his feet and ankles were healed. And he went with them “walking and leaping and praising God” into the Temple.  And all who saw him were “filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to him.”

Taking advantage of the crowds, Peter again preaches a powerful sermon, denying they had any power to heal except what God gave them in Jesus’ name.

“The God of our fathers glorified His servant Jesus, WHOM YOU DENIED in the presence of Pilate when he had decided to release Him. YOU DENIED THE HOLY AND RIGHTEOUS ONE and asked for a murderer to be granted to you, and YOU KILLED THE AUTHOR OF LIFE, whom God raised from the dead.”

“REPENT THEREFORE and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out.”

And while they were speaking…… (Continued tomorrow.)

2024GOAL – Reading Through The Bible Chronologically, day 258

Sep14

    Day 258—We are in the NINETH month of Bible reading, with more of Israel’s history and future visions in DANIEL’S prophecy.

    Day 258 – Daniel 7 – 9 (Beginning of Daniel’s visions)

Daniel 7. Daniel has interpreted dreams for the kings of Babylon. Now, God sends him dreams of his own, which he finds much harder to interpret (as do we). In these dreams, animals usually represent kingdoms, and the animal’s horns represent leaders in those kingdoms.

Daniel talks about two dreams/visions he had in the first three years of Belshazzar’s 20-year reign. First, he saw the great sea (usually representing Gentile nations) being stirred by the four winds. Out of that swirling mass came four fantastic beasts (like those represented in Nebuchadnezzar’s statue dream.

They were a lion with eagle’s wings that became like a man (Babylon), a bear with three ribs in its mouth (Medo-Persia), a leopard with four wings and four heads (Greece), and finally, the fourth beast (Roman Empire), which was more terrifying than all three with huge lion’s teeth and ten “horns.” Three horns were prominent, but one small horn was the most powerful. It had eyes and a mouth like a man and spoke blasphemous words (against God & His dwelling place – Rev. 13:5-6) (the antichrist).

Then Daniel saw a vision of the Ancient of Days (God) with myriads of angels serving Him.  He sat in judgment, and the books were opened. The beasts were seen, destroyed, and burned with fire.  Then another appeared like the Son of Man (Christ). He was given dominion, glory, and a kingdom in which all the peoples, nations, and languages would serve him forever. 

Daniel was so overwhelmed and confused that he asked one of the beings standing there for an interpretation. The being explained the beasts and, particularly, the fourth one, and his defeat by the Ancient of Days. Daniel heard details but he mostly didn’t understand…. except that God and His people “win” in the end.

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Daniel 8.  Two years later, Daniel is given another vision. (Belshazzar is still the Babylonian king.)  He saw himself in the Medio-Persian capital of Susa, about 250 miles from Babylon.  He saw there a ram with two horns (the second one, the more powerful. (Medes & Persians). It charged (conquered) west, north, and south.

As Daniel watched, a male goat with a conspicuous horn (Alexander the Great of Greece) came from the west, struck, killed, and trampled the ram.  The goat became exceedingly “great,” but at the peak of his power, his horn was broken, and four horns (his four generals) replaced him.

Of the four, a little one became great and moved toward “the glorious land” (Israel). This little but massively powerful one (Antiochus Epiphanes, and later the Antichrist, as in chapter 11) took over the sanctuary and made burnt offerings, including one that defiled it. His “reign of terror” is 2,300 days, or 6 1/3  years – the rule of Antiochus until he dies. (After this, Judas Maccabeus led the people to clean the temple. Hanukkah.)

Again, Daniel asks for the interpretation, and another being – Gabriel, this time – explains. “The vision is for the time of the end.” He explains the Medes & Persians, Greece and Alexander, his four generals, and the great one “of boldface who understands riddles.”  (??)  In the dual understanding, Antiochus and Antichrist are combined, the latter even rising against the saints and the Prince of princes.  And he will be killed – but not by human hands. 

Then Gabriel tells Daniel that the number of days is true, but he is to “seal up the vision” because it takes place “many days from now” (still future to us). This all was so awful that Daniel was sick in bed for “some days” (he is an old man by now). Then he got up and did his job, but the vision “appalled him.”

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Daniel 9.  After the Medes take the kingdom of Babylon from King Belshazzar, Daniel realizes (from reading Jeremiah) that the end of Israel’s 70 years of “captivity” is near.  This inspired Daniel to pray. (And it is a great model of prayer for anyone.)  

He worships God first. “O Lord, the great and awesome God, who keep covenant (promises) and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments.”

He confesses their sin (himself included). “We have sinned and done wrong and acted wickedly and rebelled, turning aside from your commandments and rules. We have not listened to your servants, the prophets, who spoke in your name to our kings, our princes, our fathers, and to all the people of the land. To YOU, O, Lord, belongs righteousness, but to us, open shame….because of the treachery they have committed against you. To us, O, LORD, belongs open shame: to our kings, our princes, and our fathers, because we have sinned against You. 

We have rebelled…. not obeyed the voice of the LORD…. transgressed Your law, refusing to obey… we have sinned against him…. bringing upon us a great calamity.  Yet we have not entreated the favor of the LORD our God, turning from our iniquities and gaining insight by your truth. We have sinned; we have done wickedly.”

(When is the last time I confessed my sin before the Lord like that?)

Then, Daniel requests three things from the LORD.  “Now therefore, O our God, listen to the prayer of your servant and to his pleas for mercy, and for YOUR OWN SAKE, O Lord, make your face to shine upon (1) Your sanctuary, which is desolate. 

O my God, incline your ear and hear. Open your eyes and see our desolations, and (2) the city that is called by your name.  For we do not present our pleas before you because of OUR righteousness, but because of YOUR great mercy.

O Lord, hear; O Lord, forgive. O Lord, pay attention and act. Delay not, for your own sake, O my God, because your city and (3) your people are called by your name.

And while he was praying…Gabriel came to him in swift flight at the time of the evening sacrifice (3:00 p.m.). Gabriel tells him that God heard him “at the beginning of his pleas for mercy,” and God wanted Daniel to know “You are greatly loved.” WOW!

Then Gabriel gives Daniel some very specific times and periods of time “….to finish the transgression, to put an end to sin, and to atone for iniquity.

“”Seventy weeks (of years)….. From the going out of the word to restore and build Jerusalem (very soon) to the coming of an anointed one, a prince, there shall be seven weeks (of years)… then 62 weeks when the anointed One will be cut off…. Then the city and sanctuary will be destroyed again….. Then, the desolation…. One week, divided into two parts…..

Scholars have figured this all out: the rebuilding of the temple, the long time before the Messiah comes and is “cut off,” an extended period (the times of the Gentiles, as Jesus said in Luke 21:24?), then 7 years of tribulation, and the final end and triumph of the Prince.

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(Whew!) More of Daniel’s prophesies tomorrow!

2024GOAL – Reading Through The Bible Chronologically, day 256

Sep12

    Day 256—We are in the NINETH month of Bible reading, with more of Israel’s history and future visions in DANIEL’S prophecy.

    Day 256 – Daniel 1 – 3 (Daniel & friends in Babylon, prosperity & persecution)

Daniel and his three friends (from noble Jewish families) were taken captive in Nebuchadnezzar’s first of three mass deportations. The boys were probably around 15 years old. Daniel lived there through the entire 70 years of captivity and possibly longer. He rose high in the government of several powerful kings but never turned from the LORD his God. 

Daniel 1.  The Babylonian king instructed Ashpenaz, his chief eunuch in charge of the eunuchs, to prepare some of the wise, good-looking, skilled, well-learned, and courtly young men of the royal and noble Jews to learn the Babylonian ways and language.  Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were some of the chosen. They all received Babylonian names and began a rich diet of the king’s food and wine.

Oops! Not kosher!!

These faithful Jewish youth did not want to defile themselves according to Jewish dietary laws and asked Ashpenaz if they could just have veggies and water. Despite his fear that the boys would look skinny before the king and he would lose his head, Ashpenaz gave them 10 days as a test.  After eating vegan for the test, the four boys looked better and were more alert than all the others, so the chief eunuch allowed them to continue to eat kosher.  GOD gave them learning, skill, and wisdom, and to Daniel, He gave understanding in all visions and dreams.  In fact, when Ashpenaz brought them before Nebuchadnezzar at the end of three years, the king found them 10X better than all the magicians and enchanters in his kingdom.  

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Daniel 2.  Now, Daniel’s dream skills were to be tested. Nebuchadnezzar had a night of nightmares and the following day, commanded all the Chaldean magicians, enchanters, and sorcerers to come and tell him the meaning of his dream. They arrived and asked the king what he dreamed so they could “concoct” a favorable interpretation.  But no!  The king required them to TELL HIM THE DREAM TOO, which they could not.  “You shall be torn limb from limb and your houses destroyed!!!” shouted the king. After denying “anyone’s” ability to do what the king wanted, he sentenced them all to death.

Fortunately for them, when Arioch, the captain of the king’s guard came to arrest Daniel, he calmly asked what the big rigamarole was. He then made an appointment to see the king and tell him ALL HE WISHED TO KNOW.

Then he asked his three friends to “seek mercy from the God of heaven concerning this mystery, so they might not be destroyed with the rest of the wise men.”  That night, God revealed the mystery to Daniel.  “Oh, blessed be the name of God forever and ever, to whom belong wisdom and might…”  “To You, O God of my fathers, I give thanks and praise, for YOU have given me wisdom and might and have now made known to me what we asked of you.”  

Then, Arioch brought Daniel to the king.

“Can you make the dream and its interpretation known to me?” demanded the King.

“Not me, but the God of Heaven can do it,” answered Daniel.

So, Daniel tells Nebuchadnezzar his dream of a giant statue made of gold, silver, bronze, iron, and iron mixed with clay. He shows the king how this image represents the world’s kingdoms, beginning with Babylon as the head of gold.  He also tells the king that a stone will strike the image’s feet, destroy it, and then grow into a mountain that fills the whole earth. This represents how the great God of Heaven will set up a kingdom that will never be destroyed.

Wow, and double wow! 

The king is flabbergasted, falls on his face, and pays homage to Daniel. “Truly your God is God of Gods and Lord of kings, and a revealer of mysteries.”  The king gives Daniel all kinds of promotions to top Prefect in Babylon. (At Daniel’s request, the king appoints his three friends to govern the provinces.) 

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Daniel 3.  The king becomes enamored with the statue he dreamed about and that the golden head represents “him.”  He commands an entire image of gold be made – that no doubt looks remarkably like him.  Then he commands ALL people everywhere to bow to this image when he begins to play his favorite tunes on Spotify. They do.  EXCEPT Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. (And Daniel, but he’s not in the picture here.)  

Okay, remember those wizards and wise men who were demoted when Daniel revealed the king’s dream?  They are royally aggrieved with the Hebrew youngsters taking over their key spots. So they spy on the three governors and tattle to the king about their now bowing to the statue. 

Nebuchadnezzar is now also “royally” aggrieved and sends for the three.  He thinks that maybe his instructions aren’t clear, so he tells them again. 

“Worship my golden image when the music plays, or you’ll be thrown into the furnace.”  How clear can he get? 

But the three refuse. “Not on your life, er, on our lives, will we bow to another besides our great God of Heaven?  Even if you roast us. Hey, our God may save us!!  But even if not, we won’t bow to a golden image.  WE KNOW why our people are here in Babylon instead of in Judah. Worshiping stupid idols!

Music. Upright boys. King’s fury. Three hurled in. The guards fried on the spot. Four in the furnace. No ropes. Walking around praising God. HUH???  Yep, the king thinks he’s seeing things again. He commands they be drawn out of the furnace. They aren’t scorched or even singed. They don’t smell of smoke. 

Of course, now, Nebuchadnezzar turns his back on the image and worships “the Most High God,” the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego…. because of their witness.  They willingly yielded their bodies to be burned rather than worship any God except their own God, the LORD. 

Nebuchadnezzar made a decree that it was illegal to speak anything against their God, punishable by being torn limb from limb and their houses destroyed. “For there is no other God who is able to rescue in this way.”

(And the three were promoted even higher in the province of Babylon.)

 

 

May 4, 2021 – #4 of 31 Days of Biblical Women

May4

Esther ~~

Esther, chapter 2

A beautiful girl chosen by the King of Persia to be his new Queen, unbeknownst to him, a Jewess. Pampered and Primped in the king’s haram spa until she was fit to be called to spend a night with Him. She found favor.

Meanwhile, a proud and pompous descendant of the Amaekites approached the King with a wicked plan. He hated all Jews and tricked the King into agreeing that a “subversive people group” needed purging from Persia.

Esther got wind of the plot from her uncle Mordecai. He asked her to save her people by doing the impossible – going into the king’s inner court without first being called to beg his favor. The law stated that the one who did so was to be put to death…. unless the king held out the golden scepter.

Her uncle’s words, “Do not think to yourself that in the King’s palace you will escape any more than all the other Jews. For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish.  And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?”

While the Jews in capitol city fasted and prayed – Esther and her women as well – Esther made a plan.  She went in the strength of Almighty God with the simple, yet sly plan, to see the King.

And miracle of miracles King Ahasuerus held out the scepter!

Twice the King and the Amalekite were invited to Esther’s private quarters for a sumptuous meal. During the second, when the King was sated with rich food, Esther told him about the Amalekite’s plot to kill her.

In a rage, the king ordered his death by hanging, and since the Law of the Persians could not be cancelled, he ordered that the Jews could fight and defend themselves when the henchmen came.

After that, a great celebration was held to honor the Jews’ victory. It’s called Purim, and is celebrated today.

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PS: The whole story of Esther in the Bible is a delightful, intriguing read.  I’ve left out many of the unbelievable details. But read it on your own. It almost sounds like an episode of the Keystone Cops.

 

 

LORD, help me to be willing to stand up against evil and proclaim the righteousness of God and the Son regardless of my own safety.

JH

May 3, 2021 – #3 of 31 Days of Biblical Women

May3

Sarah ~~

Genesis 18:1-14

Sarah had followed her husband from Ur of the Chaldees (modern day Iraq) to Canaan (later to be Israel) along with his father, brother, and nephew. A long journey because God had called her husband – a man of faith – to this new land. God had promised it would be theirs forever.

Then, walking from one end to the other of this long strip of “promised” land at the Eastern side of the Great Sea, camping in tents, till the pasture ran out, then moving on, making do.

And then a famine, no crops, no water for the animals, and another long journey to Egypt. “Say you are my sister, Sarah,” her husband whispered as they entered the well-watered land.

And of course she did, because she always obeyed him, and after all, wasn’t she his “half” sister? But who knew that Pharoah would desire her and take her. Sarah looked at her husband with pleading eyes as she was led away. “Tell him the truth, husband!” But he was silent.

Sarah was a woman of faith. She prayed to God and rested in the peace He sent as she settled in the kings harem. And then tragedy struck Pharoah’s palace; women began miscarrying babies, infants who were born died, and not one woman could conceive. And God spoke to Pharoah in a dream. “That woman you took is another man’s wife. Return her to him.”

This Pharoah listened to God. He took Sarah and returned her to her husband, along with food, livestock, servents, gold and silver.

“Your God spoke to me, why didn’t you?  What’s wrong with you, man? What, you were afraid?  Give me a break!  You are lucky, I could have defiled her…. and then what would your God have done to me. BE GONE!”

And yes, reader, that happened again with King Abimilech. But this time she was a few weeks pregnant with a promised son. “Tell him you are my sister,” he’d said, and Sarah didn not even look back. She trusted God. She knew this king would not defile her. God would protect that promised seed growing within her – the One by whom the whole world would be blessed, the One who would come to save His people. Hadn’t He promised it?

Sarah remembered a few months earlier, when three strangers had come to their tent. They looked like angels, Sarah thought! She had hid inside, right at the flap of the tent and listened to them.  And her laugh of… of what? Joy? distain? unbelief?  She knew not which. But the One had said that in a year she would bear a son!  Ha! She was 75 and her husband 100.

But it had happened, so Sarah KNEW the Holy One would protect the small speck of humaness in her by the power of His Word.

And the son was born. He was named Isaac, which means “he laughs.”  Yes, he was a good, happy baby. But Sarah knew that the Holy One had heard her laugh, and had His own joke with the boy’s name.

 

 

LORD,  that I might have patience and faith to trust You in my trials, and joy in all  Your promises.

My Testimony

Mar1

girl-praying2

When I was about 9 years old, I asked Jesus into my heart at an evangelistic meeting at our youth camp at Hume Lake. I confessed that I was a sinner, thanked Jesus for dying on the cross for my sins, and told Him that I wanted to live for him.

Did I understand all that that meant at age nine? No. Was I sincere? Yes. Did I believe I was saved? Yes. WAS I saved? Later, I questioned that very thing.

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Already plugged into an evangelical, Bible-teaching, missionary-minded church, I went to Sunday School, morning and evening services, and Wednesday Night prayer meeting with my mom. I prayed to God during those young years – simple, childish requests – and believed that He would answer them. And He did.

I was a part of the monthly missions emphasis in the elementary grades, junior high, and on into the Women’s Missionary Assoc. I learned about our mission fields and missionaries, supported, and later hosted them in my home. At the beginning it was mainly Sierra Leone, West Africa, but later we had missionaries in Hong Kong, Macau, Honduras, Nicaragua, Jamaica, and eventually India.

I never dreamed then that I would ever get to see any of those places, but God has been so gracious to allow me to go to Africa twice since we moved down to OC and came to FBC. How good he is!!

(The old timers that I grew up with in missions at that church are the ones who faithfully supported me through prayer and giving when I went to Malawi.)

I met my husband at church when he moved here from Oregon and was living with his aunt and uncle, who attended. After we were married, we got involved in different ministries in that church, including leading the older youth group for a while, some Sunday School teaching, and the building program.

Sadly in the several years that followed, I strayed from my love and commitment to the Lord. Family trials after we adopted a son (and the bitterness that sprung from them), outside interests (including immersion in Musical Theatre that helped me escape from the anxieties at home – after all, they had romance, carefree songs, and happy endings!), resentments and bitterness (from things not turning out as I’d hoped), rebellion, and unconfessed sin left me feeling distant from God. I continued in superficial service, but my heart was far from Him.

GCCMeanwhile, our little congregation disbanded and sold the church building to a growing Hispanic congregation, and we started going to Grace Community Church. I was faithful in attendance, but only to Sunday School. (The worship services with the huge, multi-voice choir and full orchestra reminded me too much of Theatre, and I’d finally gotten out of that deceptive “world.”) My heart remained cold and withdrawn. I knew I needed to “get right” with God, but I stupidly resisted.

As I listened to the messages each Sunday, I realized that our former church’s doctrine about how a person gets saved was different from Grace.   (Arminism & Calvanism)

I had grown up believing that you heard the Gospel and through the Spirit’s “wooing,” you made a decision for Christ. But under the teaching of John MacArthur and Don Green, I began hearing that Jesus’ atonement was not for the whole world as I’d learned in John 3:16, but that God foreknew and chose and called “some” (His elect) for salvation before the world even began.

  • For those whom he foreknew, he also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, in order that He might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom He predestined, he also called, and those who me called he also justified, and those whom He justified he also glorified. (Romans 8:29-30)

Suddenly I began to doubt my salvation. What if I wasn’t one of His elect? How would I know? I hadn’t had a huge night-day conversion like some had. I’d simply asked Jesus into my heart and believed that I was saved.  It was true that I had grown in the knowledge of God and love for Him over the years, but what if I was just deceiving myself?  What if I hadn’t been “chosen” by God to be saved?

The current rebellion and coldness of my heart made me fear even more.

open Bible pen & glassesI went up and down with this issue as FIRST I heard the teaching about God’s sovereignty, and THEN reviewed the details of my life over the past decades.  That feeling of distance from God at the time didn’t help. Was I saved or not? I asked Pastor Green how you could KNOW if you were God’s elect. He referred me to passages in I John, which we were studying.

By this we know we have eternal life….

  • If we walk in the light (1:7)…
  • keep/obey His commandments (2:3, )…
  • walk as Jesus walked (2:6)…
  • does the will of God (2:17)…
  • practice righteousness (2:26)…
  • don’t practice sinning (3:10)…
  • love and sacrifice for fellow believers (3:16-18, 4:7)…
  • believe in the name of Jesus (3:23)…
  • the witness of the Spirit (3:24, 4:13)…
  • believe that Jesus is the promised savior (5:1) and the Son of God (5:13)…
  • and love the Father (5:2).

I tortured myself asking how I measured up to all those “by this we know” verses.

I was still anxious and confused inside (okay, I was DOUBTING) when we moved to south Orange County and began attending Faith Bible Church. One of the first sermons I heard was Pastor Koh quoting John Piper asking if we would be satisfied in heaven if Jesus was not there. My heart answer scared me. Did I truly love Jesus supremely? If not, was I truly saved? Sometimes I just wished I’d led a horrible life of debauchery before, so I could see a huge difference at my conversion.

Sunday sermons kept hammering on the question of true salvation, urging us to examine our hearts to make sure we weren’t just living a “good Christian life” without truly knowing the Savior.

Gradually, during my quiet times (Yes, I had begun them again) I began to see the resentment, rebellion, and sin in my heart that I needed to deal with. I confessed those sins and more as God brought them to my mind, pleading his mercy, and receiving His forgiveness. Like the prodigal son I was coming home, but that big “election” issue still remained unsettled.

I knew Jesus had “died for my sins,” but I hadn’t then grasped the awesome truth of what that meant.

I prayed that God would just settle this question for me. To somehow SHOW me I was a Christian. Couldn’t I just see His “stamp of approval” on me – you know, instead of the Antichrist’s “666” on my hand or forehead, a “777” just so I could be SURE!

Then one morning when I was praying, begging, for some sign, I suddenly realized what a great sin I was committing. I was asking God Almighty, Creator of the universe, to single me out and show me special treatment just so I could believe, that I was one of his chosen.

I was like the Pharisees – having Jesus in their very presence, preaching and doing miracles, they had the gall to ask Him for some “sign” to prove to them who he was, before they would believe.

I was asking God to prove something to me too instead of just believing His Word!!

woman-kneelingWhen God showed me my heart – revealed this great sin of unbelief – I was horrified and I crumpled before Him. Such audacity! Such great pride! I couldn’t get low enough before Him even if I fell through the floor and kept going.

Oh, my God! I cried. I’m so sorry! How could I not just believe what You’ve said your Word instead of putting You to the test? Oh, what sin!  What a sinner I am!  Oh, God, please forgive me!

And with His great love and grace, He showed me the complete forgiveness of my sins. All had been paid for on the cross. He’d said it in His Word, but my sin, and doubt had blinded me.

Suddenly the gospel scriptures I’d read had fresh meaning.

  • In this the love of God is made manifest among us, that God sent his only son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that He loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation (accepted punishment) for our sins.  1 John 4:9-10
  • But God shows His love for us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
  • There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. (Romans 8:1-2). 
  • But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ – by grace you have been saved. (Ephesians 2:4-5).
  • And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with Him, having forgiven us all our trespasses by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. (Colossians 2:13-14
  • For our sake He (God) made Him (Jesus)to be sin, who knew no sin, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God. 2 Corinthians 5:21

What a glorious moment of assurance. Despite being a prideful, arrogant sinner, one who had strayed disgracefully away from Him, I was His child. He knew me, loved me, chose me, and sent his Son to save me.

All God’s righteous wrath was poured out on His innocent Son because of my sin. Jesus stood in for me and took the punishment I deserved. Then God raised Him up to prove that He was sinless in Himself.

God sees me through the blood of His Son – which blots out all my sin – and sees only righteousness. I don’t know how that can be, but God said it, and I now totally believe it.

I still need to read the gospel verses over and over to remind me of my position in Him, especially when I’ve allowed sin and distractions to take my eyes off Him. And I still struggle with pride, self-righteousness, conceit, love of glory, disobedience, and stubbornness.

*****

reading_bibleRecently I’ve been asking God to show me how to kill these sins in life, and He reminded me that the Holy Spirit uses His Word (the “sword” of the Spirit, Ephesians 6:17) to do that, so I’ve been reading the Bible more, with more thought. I’ve also asked Him to teach me to obey quickly, to submit to Him and to other authority, and to humble myself before Him.

It’s a tough learning process, and I’ve only begun. And sometimes He’s had to take me through some dark places. But it is WORTH IT.

“Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Ephesians 5:1-2